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brandon ingram

Things Brandon Ingram can’t do

Things Brandon Ingram can’t do

Los Angeles Lakers are 2017 NBA Summer League champions
Lonzo Balled
2017 NBA mock draft – Clayton Fawcette

8 points, 4 boards, 2 assists, under 30% from 3

Never mind that Lakers rookie small forward Brandon Ingram has clogged up passing lanes, held his own defensively in isolation against some of the league’s best forwards, and been a defensive nuisance throughout the season.

Just ignore the fact that Philadelphia’s Ben Simmons (who was drafted first overall in last year’s draft) has yet to log a single minute of NBA action due to injury.

Ingram’s critics and detractors point out his subpar box score numbers and complain that his shot has not been falling consistently, all the while missing the most important number contributing to some of the rookie’s early struggles: 19.

Brandon Ingram is 19 years old.

As a 19 year old, Brandon Ingram blocked future Hall of Famer Kevin Durant’s 3 pointer.

As a 19 year old, I blocked my parents on MySpace.

If you are reading this article, chances are, you were doing something equally unimpressive as you finished up your teen years.

To put things in perspective, I have compiled a list of things Brandon Ingram is currently not allowed to do as a 19 year old. Let’s keep all of this in mind as we evaluate this talented young player moving forward.

Things Brandon Ingram Can’t Do:

1. Drink alcohol or smoke marijuana (even in states like California where cannabis has been legalized for recreational use)

Sorry Brandon, when the Lakers beat the Cavaliers in the NBA finals this summer, you will not be able to have any victory champagne.


2. Go clubbing or to most casinos

Forget heading to the club after the game with teammates, at least legally. Also, while some California Indian reservation casinos might be fair game for 18+, most local casinos will slam their doors on the youngster. What happens in Vegas will need to stay in Vegas, as all casinos in Sin City are strictly 21 and up.


3. Become a foster parent

While it might be possible for him to adopt a child under certain circumstances, Ingram is legally prevented from becoming a foster parent in the state of California. It would be quite admirable, but his work schedule would most likely prevent fostering as well.


4. Fly an airplane, helicopter, or (my personal favorite) gyroplane in the United Kingdom

Sorry gov’nuh, but Brandon Ingram will have to put his dreams of becoming a pilot on British Airlines on hold and just do the NBA thing for a while.

5. Get married in the State of Mississippi without parental consent

Sorry future Mrs. Ingram, you are either going to have to wait a couple extra years to get hitched or start kissing up to the mother-in-law ASAP if you want that Mississippi wedding of your dreams.

If you think this is funny, add me on Twitter @jerwhitten and my stuff will blow your mind.