Fun is back in the air again — whether it’s because of the next generation of Lakers, winning a few summer league games, or the last vestiges of the old coach melting away like the wicked witch, it is palpable. And that means it is time to focus on what really matters: dancing, and specifically Lakers dancers. Getting our groove on. Droppin’ the funk. Ballin’ on the bench. Year after year a Laker has risen from the ashes of bench doldrum and turned the sideline into a celebration, or at the very least a hilariously awkward piece of performance art. Laker Girls who? [Editors note: This is the greatest article of all time]
Remember: dancing is an art of the heart. If you feel like you’re doing well, you are doing well. The Lakers listed below — they have a long and documented history of feeling it, and an argument could be made that infectious attitude has contributed to the long-term success of the squad. As always, feel free to yell at me on Twitter (@PunchintheFace) if we haven’t listed your top benchmobber.
Mark Madsen: like this list could start any other way. The Mad Dog captured the imagination of Lakers fans like no player before or since. For better or worse, his white-boy shimmies and jumps have been seared into the memories of a generation. As a champion and current coach, Mark Madsen definitively proved that all you need to succeed in life is a positive attitude and the ability to jump around. The highlight, of course, is the championship parade.
Robert Sacre: Bench phenomenon. That’s a phrase coined specifically for Robert Sacre and it couldn’t be more fitting. Notable for bringing some semblance of rhythm or at least speed, to the table, Bob Sacre arguably bounced and moved around more than players that actually sniffed the hardwood. And we’ll never forget those fingerguns.
Mike Penberthy: A team guy, an instant firespitter from the 3pt line off the bench, and happy and hyped to spread the joy from the bench or on the court, which always seemed to earn him some extra love from Shaq and company. Mike Penberthy arguably is too good for this list; his most notable skill was not in fact revving the team up from the sidelines. In fact, Chick Hearn often (erroneously?) described him as the best shooter he’d ever seen. Still, we won’t hold his dagger-shooting ability against him.
Ronny Touriaf: ahahahaha
YEAAAAHHHH GO RONNYYYYYY
Everyone gets involved. Everything’s worth celebrating. This is what we’re looking for! Knowing that Ronny had survived open-heart surgery, you honestly worried about him with these moves, but in the best of ways. What the hell is in the water over at Gonzaga anyway? Speaking of:
They say nobody can agree about anything on the internet, but I say we can all agree that Ammo marched to his own drum. Maybe it wasn’t even a drum. We miss you, Adam.
And finally, a generous soul has put together a full highlight reel of the dances we loved best as Laker fans.
However, dark days are upon us my dance-crazed friends. Look at Zubac’s incredible Summer League performance and realize that, with new contracts lined up for Tarik Black and Timofey Mozgov, Robert Sacre will likely not be a Laker this coming offseason.
What does that mean for the joy of the bench? Who will take up the mantle and lead us to the promised land? Keep it tuned to this space to find out. In the meantime, there are some young guns with potential on the squad…