Entry 8: The Lakerholics Anonymous (LA) 12-Step Program
Dear Lakers Diary,
Hi my name is Taylor and I’m a Lakerholic. Like many people struggling with an addiction, I suffered from denial for years. When people would tell me I had a problem, I would tell them that I only watch the Lakers three times a week and maybe four if there was a back to back. No big deal or so I thought. Three to four games a week quickly became every single day of the week. I began watching reruns of games when we played well just to try and get a taste of that high I got when the game actually took place. It was never the same. I was chasing the Mamba. At night I couldn’t sleep without a highlight or two, and in the mornings I’d have to watch a highlight just to get me out of bed. I had nobody to go to. My friends and family couldn’t help me. They were unknowingly acting as enablers by texting me every time Lakers breaking news surfaced. I started to realize for myself that I had a problem when my addiction started affecting my work life. I would sneak off to the bathrooms for the sole purpose of getting a quick Lakers tweet in. On occasion I would even give sexual favors in exchange for NBA League Pass login information. I had a serious problem and then I hit rock bottom. The date was April 12, 2013 and the Lakers were playing the Golden State Warriors. The Lakers were a couple games away from finishing out a disappointing regulars season that at one time had championship aspirations. We were left with having to watch an age defying Kobe Bryant try and lead his team into the playoffs, and then with three minutes left in the game it happened. Kobe went down and so did I. I couldn’t control my emotions and was at a complete loss for words, even though the fifteen or sixteen beers I had drank during the game may have been a factor in that as well. Either way I knew I needed help. So I went out and created these 12 steps that saved my life.
Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over the Lakers—that our lives had become unmanageable.
Step 2: Came to believe that a Lakers team greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of the Magic Johnson as we understood him.
Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of the Lakers roster.
Step 5: Admitted to the Basketball Gods, to ourselves, and to other Lakers fans the nature of our wrongs.
Step 6: Were entirely ready to have the Basketball Gods remove all these defects of character.
Step 7: Humbly asked Magic to remove our shortcomings.
Step 8: Made a list of all the former players we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all except Dwight Howard.
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people, besides Dwight Howard, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or if the Lakers were playing them.
Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory of the Lakers roster and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. (Mozgov & Deng)
Step 11: Sought through prayer and Zen-like meditation to improve our conscious contact with the Basketball Gods, as we understood them, praying only for knowledge of their will for us and the power to carry out any trade helping the Lakers.
Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to Lakerholics, and to practice these principles for every season.
If not you, I hope someone can take something from my story and get the help that they so dearly need. You don’t have to let the Lakers control your life but god damn, it sure is fun! I have been Laker free now for exactly 0 days. Do as I say not as I do. Go Lakers!
A Lakers Fan